Choosing Grace Builds Real Connection

Human beings are wired with a negativity bias. When something goes wrong, our brains naturally give it more weight than everything that has gone right. A single disappointment, missed expectation, or awkward interaction can begin to color our entire view of a person.

Over time, we stop describing behaviors and start defining character.

“They have always been this way.”
“They don’t take feedback well.”
“They’re impossible to work with.”

When we let those stories take root, we quietly lower our expectations of one another. We become guarded. We lead with frustration instead of curiosity. And without realizing it, we begin interacting in ways that reinforce the very dynamics we wish would change.

A Lesson on Grace from Ted Lasso

Ted Lasso offers a different path - a way to overcome our negativity bias and choose to see a better version of someone.

In season one, Rebecca finally confesses to Ted that she hired him for the wrong reasons. She wanted to hurt her ex-husband, and in the process knowingly put Ted and others in the crossfire. She is exposed, ashamed, and fully aware that this conversation could permanently damage their relationship.

Ted has every reason to protect himself. He could hold onto anger. He could define Rebecca by her betrayal. He could quietly distance himself or retaliate. All of those responses would feel understandable.

But that is not what he does.

Instead, Ted empathizes with what she has been through. He recognizes the pain underneath her choices. He refuses to reduce her to the worst thing she has done. He chooses to believe that this moment does not define the best of who she is.

In doing so, Ted extends grace.

That choice becomes a turning point, not just in their relationship, but in the culture of the entire team. Trust deepens. Safety increases. People begin showing up more honestly and courageously because they see what kind of leadership is modeled at the top.

The Only Part We Can Actually Change

The hard truth is this: we cannot make other people change. But we can change how we see them. And when that shifts, how we show up in relationships shifts with it.

When we choose to see the highest potential in another person rather than the worst interpretation of their behavior, something meaningful happens. We become more patient. More open. More generous. More willing to stay engaged instead of pulling back. And when we show up that way, we dramatically increase the odds that the relationship can move forward.

This is where grace enters the conversation.

Grace Is Not Earned

Grace is kindness or care extended freely, regardless of whether someone has earned it. That is precisely why it is so difficult. Our instinct is to offer generosity when it feels deserved and to withdraw it when it feels costly.

But grace is not transactional. It does not operate on a scoreboard.

Most of us can remember a moment when someone offered patience, understanding, or forgiveness to us before we deserved it. Those moments tend to shape us. Yet when the roles reverse, we often hesitate to extend the same gift to others.

Grace invites leaders to resist reducing people to their worst moment and instead hold space for the fuller story of who they are and who they are becoming.

Practicing Grace in Everyday Leadership

Grace does not require dramatic moments. Most opportunities show up in ordinary interactions, in small tensions, missed expectations, awkward conversations, and imperfect communication.

If you find yourself struggling to see the best in a teammate, try starting here:

Create a better story.
​Instead of defaulting to character judgments, consider what context, pressure, or experience might be influencing their behavior. This does not excuse harm or avoid accountability. It creates space for empathy and curiosity.

Go first.
​Relational strain often turns into a quiet standoff, with both people waiting for the other to move. Grace breaks that pattern. It chooses initiative over self-protection, even when it feels vulnerable.

You might even keep simple reminders nearby:

Why This Matters More Than We Think

Small shifts in how we see one another shape the emotional tone of a team. Over time, they influence whether people feel safe to speak honestly, take risks, and stay engaged when things get hard.

Trust rarely grows because someone finally gets everything right. More often, it grows because someone chose grace before it was deserved.

Leadership always teaches. The stories we carry about people and the generosity we extend in moments of tension quietly signal what kind of culture others should build as well.

Choosing grace is not weakness. It is one of the most powerful ways leaders create real connection, resilience, and lasting trust.

-Shaun & Joe